


All this and Heaven too ( Good Omens / Aziraphale x Crowley / Ineffable Husbands )

by Castorika



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Comforting Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fanart, Hurt Crowley, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Possessive Crowley, Post-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2020-10-01 18:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20360365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castorika/pseuds/Castorika
Summary: A story of two supernatural entities and their affairs... Gonna be a longer series so stay tuned for next chapters.WARNING: gonna be soft!Each chapter's gonna have theme song which it was inspired with.And It may contain fanarts at some point.





	1. It's a damn cold night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by song 'I'm With You' by Avril Lavigne.

It passed month already. Not that they hadn't been afar for much longer periods of time in the past... But this time was different. Crowley even stopped calling Angel since he got tired of his countless phone calls not even being received.

  
Tears ran on his cheeks as he walked alone through the St. James park. It was empty now in the dead of night... He found a bench where they used to sit and talk for so many occassion.

  
Not anymore... He tought. Everything has changed. He looked at the full moon, it was shining bright like a mirror ball, and he was standing alone at this empty stage of a park, and there was only sound of silence to solace him.

  
He couldn't stand this place. It was so full of memories. If he could only turn back time...

+++

Month Ago:

Crowley was waiting impatiently in his apartment. Aziraphale was meant to be here since 15 minutes by now. He was starting to get worried that something happened, when he heard the knocking at the door. Only one person knocked so politely.

  
'Hi Angel' he beamed completely forgetting about his annoyance, the moment he saw Aziraphale smiling at him at the doorstep.

  
'Hello my dear, sorry I'm late...' said angel as he walked inside.

  
'It's nothing' said Crowley. He was too excited for anything to break it 'I've got something for you'

  
'Oh, really?' Aziraphale looked at his friend curiously, without a clue what Crowley may be talking about.

  
Demon felt a bit nervous at the thought his plan may not go as he expected... but he waited long enough and there was no turning back.

  
He invited angel to his dining room, not that he ever dined, but this time he made effort and first time ever cooked - it was nothing fancy just not exactly good looking pancakes he made with a simplest recipe he could find and a bottle of wine he held from long time ago for a special occasion. _This _ocassion.

  
'Oh... you made it yourself?' Angel was in awe.

  
Crowley smiled widely and felt heat of himself blushing a bit.

  
'Yeah, I know it doesn't look too fancy but I hope you'll like it...'

  
'I would like anything you've made' said angel, without noticing sudden flash of hope in demon's eyes... The glasses were good at hiding his emotion, or so he thought. Actually the angel was only reason he starting covering his eyes like this. He didn't needed them to hide his demonic identity from humans... He didn't even needed smallest miracle to fool them. But he couldn't fool Aziraphale. And even though he knew too well that hiding his serpent eyes from angel, won't ever erase him being fallen, he wanted to at least pretend, he's not Aziraphale hereditaly enemy...

  
He wanted to be so much more to him.

  
So they ate pancakes that indeed were tasting better than they looked, and drank a lot of wine, whole evening simply talking and laughing. Crowley wanted to keep this moment forever.

  
'You know...' said angel visibly drunk 'The time we first met... I keep thinking of it recently'

  
Crowley not as drunk as Aziraphale furrowed his brows.

  
'Yes?'

  
'You know... that time we first met... I just realised you were the first person to ever make me laugh... Like in real way' He looked right at Crowley.

  
'Would you take off your glasses for me?' he said surprising demon 'I can barely remember how your eyes look'

  
Crowley silenced his all will to not do it, and obeyently said what angel asked. He felt so vulnerable being seen by the Angel like that.

  
'Why do you hide them?' angel asked.

  
Crowley froze not being able to respond.

  
'They are beautiful' said Aziraphale.

  
That was too much for Crowley. He reached for angel sitting next to him, and cupped his face to kiss him. He lost control of himself completely. He kissed his Angel passionately after so many years hiding it, he couldn't contain it at all. His smell, warmth and clossenes... was driving Crowley insane. He needed long few seconds to notice to his bewilderment, that angel got stiff and didn't exactly responded to his kiss and embrace.

  
He backed only to see terror in angel's eyes.

  
_No, no, no..._

  
'Angel...' Crowley's voice cracked.

  
'So that is what you want?' Said Aziraphale angrily as Crowley never have hear him before. Angry and dissapointed.

  
'Angel... I... I didn't meant to...' he trailed his brain not cooperating with him to say what he wanted.

  
'How could you think... do something like this to me, after so long time we know each other?'

  
Now Crowley noticed deep hurt in Angel's eyes.

  
'I... I'm so sorry Aziraphale' Crowley felt hot tears in his eyes as his heart ached in a way he could not ever imagined it can.

  
'Don't be...' said coldly angel 'it's in your nature to be like that, after all you're a _demon_...'

  
'Don't ever say this bullshit again!' snapped Crowley angrily lounder than he wanted. He actually growled first time in decades. He froze as he realised he frightened his friend with his furios tone.

  
'Goodbye Crowley' said Aziraphale and stood up to leave.

  
Crowley ran after him and grabbed Aziraphale by his wrist to stop him. Angel harshly pushed his hand away so hard it actually hurt.

  
'I'm sorry Crowley' said angel sadly and left.

  
Door locked and Crowley didn't even needed to check to know they were miracled to be locked for good for a while.

  
He slumped on the floor tears falling from he eyes as he weeped his whole pain. All this time... he was so delusional. And this delusion had destroyed it all. How could he ever hurt his angel like this.

  
Not ever _his._

+++

He kept walking through the night. His only company was the stars. He helped creating some of them... If he just stayed like that, being angel that never tasted hell... would Aziraphale ever returned his feelings?

  
_It's in your nature to be like that._

  
Was the angel right? Was he a demon ever albe to love anybody anymore? Was he only lying to himself to... to bring fall upon his best friend? To just tempt him into hell, was it written in his demonic soul? He wasn't angel anymore. Unlike Aziraphale he couldn't sense love... So that was it, he realised numbly.

  
What would have happened if he actually tempted his angel? Would he, the most beautiful, precious creature be condemned? Would his beautiful white as purest snow wings turn into ashy black like his own? Would he taste bitterness of hell?  
_Why is all of this so confusing?_

  
He realised he asked God for the first time since a while.

  
'Wasn't falling not enough for my punishment? Why would you take away the only one...'  
_...I ever loved._

  
He wasn't able to tell this aloud. What is love anyways? For sure not wanting with his whole soul to bring fall upon... to fucking destroy someone who trusted him so much.

  
He realised his feet took him to the place he pleaded Aziraphale to go off with him letting the world being utterly destroyed by Armagedon. Angel was always most hopeful and caring being, not to let go of the world they both shared.

  
He had enough. He slumped and lay down on the cold ground.

  
He ached so much, like he was falling again. Tears spilling on his cheeks.

  
_Why did you left me? I'd be anything for you if I could..._

  
But he knew he couldn't. He just could not be anything Aziraphale ever needed. He destroyed their friendship after so many years, because of his demonic selfishness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :3  
I have already 5 next chapters planned but there may be more... Stay tuned~ :3


	2. I lost a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by song 'How to Save a Life' by The Fray

Aziraphale was doing well after apocalypse was averted half year ago. To his delight he could just focus on his beloved books and run his bookshop.

  
Except he couldn't. It was already month since... Since _it_ happened. He couldn't focus on anything. Anything but Crowley.

  
How many years he was his best friend? Was he _all_ these years just wanting to tempt him to fall? Aziraphale couldn't blame Crowley, not ever for his wicked nature... but he knew he can't allow this to continue. The hurt in fallen angel's bare eyes haunted him all time.

  
He froze when he noticed familar redhead by his doorstep bookshop. He sighed after a second, when a redhead young lady came into the shop looking curiously at bookshelves.

  
It was another time when his imagination played tricks on him. He would lie to himself if he'd say he doesn't miss his best friend. But what they were now anyway? Not friends, not enemies... not nothing but someone they used to know?

  
It hurt like hel... like anything. Hurt that he was just another temptation another evil deed for demon to accomplish. There weren't on their respective sides anymore... But they were still an Angel and a Demon. And nothing would ever change it. He was a fool to ever hope it's different.

  
He was an Angel and as such he could sense love whethever he was witnessing it. He never sensed this in Crowley. Not ever even two weeks ago when Crowley attacked him at his apartment... was just lust or fun or wanting some achievement... anything but what could really matter.

  
It hurt twice as hard, because even not feeling love from Crowley he could certainly feel his own towards him. All these years his attachment to demon only grew into strong feelings, that couldn't be ever reciprocated... To feel for just a seconds this illusion of maybe... just maybe Crowley loving him back... was too much for him to stand. They couldn't be friends anymore.

  
Even knowing all of this, he couldn't keep himself from imagining Crowley all time.

  
'It went down like a lead balloon'

  
'Excuse me?' said Aziraphale looking up at a person before him in shock.

  
'I said how much for this book?' said an elderly man holding some big book.

  
'Oh... y-yes just let me check...'

  
While closing his bookstore he looked out like each day for familiar Bentley parked nearby. As each day since that time there was nothing there.

  
He couldn't help but feel guilt and dissapointment. He went back to his bookshop and made himself cup of tea as he suddenly reminded himself of that day he realised and first time truly named his feelings... his _love_ towards the demon. It was when Crowley went to save him into concecrated ground and not only rescued Aziraphale but also saved his precious books.

  
Speaking of which where he put that books?

  
Dragged by nostalgy he searched for them. He found volumes put safely into hidden shelf of his most precious prophecy books.

  
He took first of them and opened it. As he did it, something fell out of it's pages.

  
_Not this_. He thought devastated like each time an old volume was falling apart because of time.  
He carefully lifted the paper from the floor.

  
It wasn't a page. It was an old, rugged envelope.

  
And with big awkward writing it said _To Aziraphale_.

  
His hands started shaking. He wanted to throw this away, forget and don't feel this pain ever again.

  
But at this point guilt took over him. Whatever this was he had to read it.

  
He took his letter cutter and carefully cut envelope open.

  
It contain some page that looked like it was crushed into a ball and then flattened again.

  
He opened it and started reading.

_Dear Aziraphale,_  
_I wrote this letter thousands times in my mind already... I won't probably even ever give it to you, not mention say it myself. But I have to at least write it down, before it drives me insane._

  
At this point Aziraphale noticed that some parts of writing were blurred like something spilled on the paper...

  
_I lied to you Angel. And I'm so very sorry about this._

  
Aziraphale tensed as he read this words.

  
_I lied each time I was acting surprised when we met after decades... I lied pretending to be sarcastic all this time... I lied when I was angry at you for seeing good in me. I lied not wanting to admit <strike>my feelings</strike> <strike>how I grew so fond of you</strike> fuck even now I can't admit it. I'm that pathetic._  
_I could never be angry at you. <strike>I tried</strike> I tried not to think of you this way... Since I'm scared of it. You're my best friend the <strike>one I ever</strike> anchor that keeps me safe and I wouldn't dare to live wake up every day in the world where I dragged you to hell. I'm so so so sorry._  
_There's nothing I wouldn't do to be everything you ever want and need. But I never will. I won't ever be forgiven. You can't save me._  
_Yes I'm definitely never gonna give this letter to you._  
_Always yours_  
_Crowley_  
_PS. I have no idea why I kept this piece of paper for so long. But I'll be blessed if Im gonna show it to you one day._  
_PPS: I attach this part of myself, so if one day we won't be friends anymore you can hold it and think good of me. Or just throw it alway along with this letter._

  
Aziraphale was already in tears. Just looking at the letter with bewilderment. His hands were shaking. He could feel so much love put in this piece of paper. So much hurt and longing. He didn't sensed in in ethereal way... but felt it just in his heart as real as nothing in this world.

  
He reached into the envelope. There was a feather inside. Black as ash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
PS. Sorry this chapter is so short ;-;


	3. There will be time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by 'There will be time' by Mumford and Sons.

Crowley didn't know how much time passed as he was lying on the ground too tired to even sob anymore. He was desperately trying not to think about all these tragic scenarios of life he would never share with his only love.

  
Eventually he decided to stand up and walk away to where he left his Bentley.

  
_So pathetic_ he thought as he walked through the park his eyes reddened and burning from more tears he could even count. He was deep in thoughts when he heard his name being called from afar. His heart went to his throat as he recognised the voice.  
_I'm getting insane._ He thought in sudden panic, and walked even faster ingoring the calling. _He couldn't be here. Not for me... am I really loosing my mind?_

  
'Crowley for heave... somebody's sake! If you won't wait..! I'm gonna bless you!'

  
He gave up and looked behind. There he was. Standing just over a dozen meters away. Waiting.

  
Crowley couldn't move. His heart ached just at the sight of his angel. Not _his_ he corrected himself.

  
It was Aziraphale who moved towards Crowley. When he was just few meters away Crowley regained control over his body and stepped back.

  
'Don't come closer!' he pleaded.

  
It earned him a saddest of angel's expression, but Aziraphale obeyently stopped just few steps too far for Crowley to reach him.

  
'Why did you came all the way here?' he asked after a moment of painful silence.

  
'To say that I'm sorry... so sorry for everything I said' said Aziraphale looking as he was about to break. Crowley wanted to comfort him somehow but he knew it wouldn't be good thing to do.

  
'Don't say that angel... You were right about everything' said Crowley bitterly. He looked last time at angel and turned to walk away.

  
'Crowley! At least listen to what I have to say... Then you may never talk to me again' said Aziraphale.

  
It worked and Crowley turned back and looked at Angel.

  
'Well?'

  
Aziraphale reached to his pocket and took out a rugged envelope.

  
It took few seconds for Crowley to recognise it.

  
'No, no, no... Angel it's not like that...' he started to panic.

  
'Stop it please...' said Aziraphale in voice so pained Crowley actually listened.

  
He took a deep breath.

  
'I want to say I'm sorry... becasue I also lied to you' he started trying to keep his voice calm and collected '...and I kept lying to myself. For longer that I can remember... Crowley you're the one who taught me how to... feel joy and hurt, and appreciate life just as it is... Everything can change, world may break... and I'm not afraid as long as you're by my side... And I just want you to know... That you're more that I ever could deserve... So want to promise you... My love will always be yours'  
Crowley became speechless as he just stared at angel with wide eyes processing all his words.

  
Was his damned prayers answered?

  
_No, this can't be truth._

  
'Don't say that, Angel... I'm gonna hurt you eventually... I can't be forgiven and I don't... I won't ever allow you to become unforgivable as well'

  
'I don't believe you' said Aziraphale making a step towards Crowley.

  
'What if I can't lo... answear your feelings? I'm condemned what if all I can give you is... is...' he choked at his tears and couldn't even finish his sentence.

  
'It's not truth' insisted angel.

  
'But you're not sure, right?' asked Crowley sadly 'Can you even sense it? Right here and now? Can you sense my _love_?'

  
Aziraphale froze at this words. He couldn't oppose to this statement.

  
'I knew it' said Crowley with shaking voice as something inside him broke. So that was the truth. The truth he was scared of all this time. All he ever did was leading his only... precious one to destruction. This dreadfull realisation made him so shocked and numb he was surprised he still was alive...

  
Then Aziraphale felt it. It wasn't love... but absence of it... So cold and dense the empiness like something that was alawyas there was missing. Angel tried to shrug off the feeling of this coldness and emptiness, but it didn't wanted to go... And then he realised something. He realised he felt this emptiness all time but so very long ago he completely forgot how it is like...

  
'Crowley...' he said silently 'You were the one... the first, who made me laugh'

  
'So you said before, but what...'

  
'I felt it Crowley... I felt your love from the very beginning... no matter how far apart we were I felt it, all the time ever since I met you'

  
'No you can't be right, I'm a...'

  
'Tell me Crowley... did you... did you loved me even back then at the Eastern Gate?'

  
There was a silence between them.

  
'Crowley... It means... that I couldn't sense your love... because i felt it all around me all the time ever since I met you'

  
Crolwey was still silent and not looking him in the eyes... But Aziraphale started to feel back his normal... feeling. How could he ever doubt... Ever question the only person who was always there for him, always giving, always waiting.  
He came closer to Crowley but this time, demon didn't avoid him.

  
'Dear... will you forgive me all the things I said before?' He almost whispered the words.

  
'I'll always forgive you' said Crowley and to angel's surprise he suddenly hugged him tight.

  
Aziraphale was startled for a second of surprise, but then he returned the hug. He could feel tears in his eyes, but they were the kind of happiness.

  
'I love you angel... I love you so much...' said Crowley in voice so weak Aziraphale's heart hurt.

  
Angel backed out making enough space between them to look at each others eyes. But there was the dark glasses that covered Crowley's serpent eyes. Aziraphale didn't mind anymore. He pulled surprised Crowley into a kiss, this time a proper one filled with tenderness and affection. It lasted long and none of them wanted to break it so they just enjoyed it for a while. Not needing to breath they just kissed hugging as if the world was about to end.

  
But it wasn't and first shy sun rays already slowly started to spill over the skies above them, lighting up what was meant to be first day of their new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
Next chapter is coming soon~


	4. Don't have to be cruel to be kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by song 'Wona' by Mumford and Sons.

Crowley, woke up in his apartment. He felt tired even though it was already morning. Oh, he thought, he was walking outside till late again...

  
He froze remembering meeting angel and everything that happened yesterday. He brought his hand to his lips on instinct... He could still feel the sensation of being softly kissed by his beloved angel.

  
But he was all alone in his apartment... Was it all just a dream? He almost believed it, when he noticed a sound of music from downstairs.

  
He got up from bed, and clothed quickly to go and check if he's _really_ loosing his mind.

  
Because everything, literally every thing in this world was more likely than what he saw when he walked into his kitchen.

  
'Oh you already woke up my dear' said Aziraphale from above a stove, smiling shyly 'I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in your bed, because I owe you a few after you made that pancakes... But your fridge looks like it never contained any kind of food... and alcohol doesn't count as a food... so I had to go shopping first...' He took off a frying pan and turned off the stove. He filled a plate with what was probably meant to be eggs and bacon but looked and smelled more like coal...

  
Crowley burst into laughter.

  
'I know it doesn't look exactly tasty...' said apologetically Aziraphale.

  
'It looks aweful!' said Crowley still laughing, feeling his eyes fill with tears from all this joy.

  
'Hey!' said angel quite hurt by these words 'Crowley, stop this!' but it didn't worked as demon couldn't contain all this silly happiness and absurd of all this situation.

  
'I'm sorry, sorry...' said Crowley through laugh but couldn't hide his grin as he chuckled.

  
'You don't have to eat it if you don't want to...' said angel resentfully.

  
'Oh, I'd eat anything you cook' said Crowley with loving voice, that almost startled Aziraphale but not as much as a sudden kiss. He held away hot frying pan still in his hand not to burn Crowley but other than this he gave in into the kiss. It was soft but not deep just as innocent as kissing a forhead of a child goodnight.

  
As they parted Crowley couldn't contain his smile 'No matter how utterly aweful your cooking is'

  
'Crowley!' said Aziraphale not knowing if he's feeling more offended or happy, but deciding he can't take any more of it.

  
So he layed down his frying pan and to Crowley amusement he grabbed him and kissed him with passion, he didn't even know he had inside him. He wanted more of it, and Crowley returned the kiss just as eagerly holding his angel desperately.

  
Aziraphale didn't even notice when he was pinning his lover against the wall still kissing and touching and wanting more so much more... More of this closeness, of this loving sounds from Crowley... But then he realised how he had lost control of himself and let go of his lover backing up a little. Crowley looked so vulnerable withouth his glasses, so beautiful and wholesome in his imperfection angel felt overwhelmed by the look in this golden serpent eyes...

  
'Um... sorry dear I kind of forgot myself...' He said trying to calm Crowley but mostly himself.

  
'Don't apologise angel... I'm yours if you're gonna take me for everything I am...' He said weakly visibly unsure of possible angel's response to his words. Was he expecting an Angel to forgive him being fallen?

  
Aziraphale sighed deeply.

  
'You don't have to be so cruel to yourself to be kind to me, Crowley... You don't have question your heart all the time... Maybe you're wicked but I'm no better and I had fallen for your ways... And despite of whatever you may be thinking I will never want you to change... So the answear is yes, I'll always want all of you I always wanted and I'm sorry I couldn't said it so much earlier'

  
'I'm always yours' said Crowley tenderly 'I always was'.

  
Aziraphale beamed with sweetest of smiles, making Crowley's heart melt. Angel kissed him in the forhead and caressed his ginger hair.

  
'Oh, your bookshop...' said Crowley in worried tone. He knew how important for Aziraphale was his precious job.

  
'I took a day off' Aziraphale simply brushed it off 'besides I have more important thing to be busy with today'

  
'Oh... what is that?' said clueless Crowley. He kind of hoped they are going to spend this day togheter.

  
'You, dummy' chuckled angel and kissed his nose gently 'I have something planned for you'

  
'Oh'

  
'Speaking of which... are you in possesion of any nice blanket?'

  
+++

There wasn't much people at that hour in the park, just a few people jogging and walking dogs. The weather was nice and Crowley enjoyed this peaceful picnic more than he would've expected.

  
They choose a spot under old oak tree and hid in it's shadow. They had already drank half of the wine and enjoyed talking for hours while discretly holding hands. Crowley even tried sandwiches made by angel and they were much better than their coal breakfast. Right now he sat leaning on the tree trunk, lazily caressing Aziraphale's hair, who was reading a book his head resting on Crowley's chest. Crowley was hugging him from behind with his other hand, wishing they could just stay like this forever in this late summer's day.

  
'Crowley my dear?' Aziraphale stopped reading for a moment.

  
'Yes angel?' said Crowley softer than he expected.

  
'What would you say...' angel hesitated for a moment 'If we moved in togheter?'

  
Crowley forgot his tounge. Was the angel implying what he thought he was implying?

  
'But... where?' he managed to stutter.

  
'Anywhere you wish' said Aziraphale 'And don't say anything about my bookshop I need vacation from it and I can always take my collection with me'

  
'I can only agree under one condition' said Crowley in solemn tone, gaining Aziraphale's full attention.

  
'Anything' said angel.

  
'Anything?' Crowley chuckled 'Nah, don't worry I would never ask too much of you angel'

  
'So what is that you want?' asked curiously Aziraphale.

  
'Come see the world with me' said Crowley 'we helped save it... Let's enjoy anything it has to offer... togheter. I wanna show you so much... Share it all with you... And then I will do whatever you wish'

  
There were a moment of silence long enough to make Crowley feel like he said too much.

  
'With pleasure, dear' said finally Aziraphale and pulled away from Crowley laying his book on the blanket. He turned to his lover with sentiment he held for so long 'I'll go anywhere for you'

  
He cupped Crowley's face and pressed his lips on demons in a delicate kiss, making him blush, the way that always surprised the angel.  
They enjoyed the picnic for few next hours, none of them wanting to stop this moment.

  
But as everything, this also has to come to its end and so they went to Bentley to leave.

  
'Want me to drop you at your place?' said Crowley driving the car at a bit less crazy speed than his usual, which didn't get out of Aziraphale's attention.

  
'Actually...' said reluctantly angel 'Would you mind staying with me at my place?'

  
Crowley froze speachless for a moment what cost him not noticing the truck riding from crossroad right at the Bentley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 Next chapter soon... ;3


	5. I'll crawl home to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by this song => Hozier - Work Song
> 
> !NSFW warning!

'Watch the road!' shouted Aziraphale and at last second he pulled the steering wheel to avoid the crash and discorporation.

Crowley stopped the car super violently not to drive at the steet light as they barely avoided hitting into the truck than passed them on the crossroad.

'Crowley...?' said more worried than angry Aziraphale. Was his offer too rushy?

'Sorry angel, I just did not expect this...' said Crowley apologeticly 'but if you still wanna this complete dumbass of a demon at your place, then let it be' he said more embarassed than he wanted.

'Of course, my dear' said angel with relief and softly kissed Crowley at his cheek.

He went all red.

They soon enough arrived at the bookstore.

'What about some tea my dear?' asked Aziraphale as they walked into the backstore room.

'I'd prefer something... more intoxicating' said Crowley.

'Wine?'

'You' said Crowley and before he had his angel pinned on the wall kissing him eagerly, but soft enough not to scare his lover. His worries were pointless since angel only returned the kiss hugging onto Crowley.

They parted their half open lips panting sligtly.

'You're driving me crazy you know angel?' murmured hoarsely Crowley into his lover's ear, then he bitten it slightly, getting a soft groan as reward.

So he went lower kissing the neck of his angel, but then got pushed away. He looked confused at Aziraphale, scared he went too far.

'Not here my love' said Aziraphale.

'Oh... okay'

It was first time Crowley was let into Aziraphale's bedroom. It was... full of books obviously. Actually so many of books even the bed was hidden under pile of big volumes.

'Oh, forgive me dear haven't clean in here for a while' said troubled Aziraphale as he started moving books off of the bed making the pile next to it an even higher pile of books.

Crowley laughed 'You know usually poeple tend to use their bedroom to sleep not use them as a spare storage room...'

'Stop it Crowley' said Aziraphale defensively 'There's limited space I can put my books and there's _no way_ I'm getting rid of any of them...' he was shut with a kiss and fell on the bed from the impetus. They kissed even more wildly than ever before, their toungues dancing, their hands grasping eachothers bodies.

Then Crowley still topping his angel without a warning grind his hips onto Aziraphale's. He didn't know at the moment of haze what turned him on more, the sensation of touching like that or the incoherent noises angel underneath him was making.

'Ahh... Crowley' groaned Aziraphale as his lover started slowly rocking his hips into his.

_ Yes say my name.._. Thought Crowley so thirsty of all this new experience, he slowed down in spite of himself just to tease his angel for a bit.

'Crowley... don't go so slow...' gasped shakily angel.

'I heard once some opinion that I'm going too fast...' teased Crowley with a mean grin.

'Crowley!'

'Okay... but you must beg me' he said placing a hot kisses on his lovers neck as delicately as he could to provoke angel even more.

'Crowley... for Heav... for someone's sake..!'

_ 'Beg'_

'Please...' he moaned as Crowley moved against him again.

_ Fuck._

Crowley was in awe, of this beautiful creature he got under him, now pleading for his love...

He got up out of his lover earning dissapointed hum. Then he bent over Aziraphale and reached to unbuckle his belt. He was just as hard as himself.

'Take your pants off' he asked angel.

Azirpahale did as he was asked but his task was being distrupted by crolwey kissing him chaotically, being just mean to angel, tring to provoke him.

As soon as his pants were off, Crowley pushed Aziraphale on the bed and bent over his boxers. He slid them off with ease and bent to lick just the tip of angel's lenght, making him moan shyly.

Then he smiled looking at Aziraphale right in the eyes, and without the warning he bowed to took it all in. Oh how long he yearned for it... The shudders and even more audible moaning angel desperatelly tried to stifle... It all turned him on even more. He had never expect this would feel so great. He started doing crazy things with his toungue, teasing his lover having not enough of him calling his name. Then angel unconsciously pulled his hair slightly to guide him...

_ Not that fast_

Crowley pulled of grinning with satisfaction at his lover. He licked bit of precum on the corner of his mouth.

'You're being mean!' complained Aziraphale getting up on his elbows.

'Oh but it's the most fun this way' chuckled Crowley happily.

Still touching and kissing they awkardly got out of the rest of their clothing.

Crowley wanted for this to never end, wanted so much more... But then he caught himself with a realization. What if he'd scare off and even worse hurt his angel by being too fast? Torturing Aziraphale with pleasure was one thing, but he would be blessed if he'd ever made his angel be in pain...

So he leaned to his lover and kissed him hot, wanting to tempt him even more. He shivered when angel tugged his ginger hair and deepened the kiss...

Maybe having Aziraphale dominating over him was even better idea than he exptected?

He pulled away from the kiss and looked straight into those pale blue eyes.

'Make love to me' he whispered 'I'm yours'

'Oh... you sure my dear?' asked Aziraphale with mix of concern and want.

'YesSs... Please have me' He pleaded almost as excited as scared.

Angel kissed his forehead to reassure him and whispered 'Anything for you, my love'

Then without a warning he flipped Crowley on the bed making him whimper with surprise.

He looked above at the Aziraphale, now topping over him. His blue eyes were dazzling looking at Crowley with more love than he could ever want.

He wanted all this love in spite of his fears...

He went to his elbow and cupped agels cheeck with one hand kissing him sweetly. He shuddered when Aziraphale brushed his lenght with his soft fingers, giving it some strokes while still kissing him. At this point it was Crowley not holding his breath and soft moans and he was touched genlty by his love, all at his mercy now.

As they parted their lips, Aziraphale looked again at Crowley with clearly caring and worried expression.

'Are you really okay with...' he started off, but Crowley didn't let him finish his sentence.

'Yes I am!' he exclaimed and small part of himself wanting to reassure himself as much as the angel.

Aziraphale didn't looked all that convinced so Crowley added 'Okay I'm kind of... afraid of it, but I really badly want it... I want to be yours. So please give me your love...' He felt hot in his cheeks spread as he said it.

'I'll be gentle' promised Angel kissing his lover one more time. He spit on his hand and made sure his lenght is salivated enough.

He took one of Crowley's leg on his arm and as carefully as he could he put it inside him.

Crowley groaned loudly in shock, scaring the hell out of his lover.

'Are you okay, my dear?' Asked worried but also so wanting Aziraphale feeling if he go any further it may become harder to stop himself...

'Y-Yeaahh...' gasped Crowley shakily. Actually he wasn't sure if he's okay, it was weirdest feeling he ever experienced hurting slightly, but not as much as he expected.

'I'm moving' warned his Aziraphale.

'Okay...'

As Azirapahle started slowly rocking his hips inside, Crowley was overwhelmed with this crazily intense sensation and to his deep embarassement he couldn't hold any of his moans. With each thrust he felt like loosing his mind more and more. He clenched at the blankets with one hand while covering his face with other arm.

He didn't even noticed his tears until one dropped onto his neck.

Then Aziraphale slowed down and bent over Crowley, to uncover his blushed face so they could kiss, while making love. Their kissing was super awkward and hot, with mostly they lips parted and just toungues dancing hungrily, as Aziraphale thrusts became deeper and faster.

_Oh fuck... _

Crowley was already at the verge of his limits, letting out of himself incomprehensible moans and a lot of swearing.

'I'm close...' panted Aziraphale pulling his face up so Crowley could see clear lust and loving in angel's face.

'Me too...' he gasped shakily, between loud groans he couldn't control for his life.

'I'm gonna speed up... if you'll alright with it my love' whispered Aziraphale probably didn't even aware of how sexy he sounded to his lover.

'Y-yeah, please... please... Angel...' And then Aziraphale thrusted harder and even deeper clearly in so much ecstasy by now he could hardly control himself anymore. Crowley grabbed the blankets crying out his lover's name which was kind of hard considering amount in syllabes in it... but he wans't even really aware of it by now. He was very ashamed of being so fucking lound, but he couldn't control this at all. And then he couldn't take it anymore and came in sheer ecstasy. It took few thrusts for Aziraphale to join him.

He slid off Crowley and lied next to him.

'Oh...' he said still panting trying to find proper words to describe what he had on mind.

'That was insSsane' said Crowley trying to calm his breath 'you're so fucking hot, angel...'

He smiled widely at his lover and kissed him sweetly.

Aziraphale gave him one of these looks that always made Crowley's heart skip a beat.

'I love you' he simply said but in a way like he was talking to... someone so precious and treasured. This made Crowley blush completely.

'I... love you so fucking much... my dearest angel...' He said tenderly his voice shaking. He noticed his new tears only after Aziraphale brushed one of them from his cheek.

'My love...' Said angel, the sight of Crowley's teary eyes crushing his heart to pieces.

He briefly kissed Crolweys lips, then his nose, both of his cheeks, whispering 'I love you' each time he gave him a soft peck.

'Never let me go Angel...' Said Crowley before he proceeded what he even want to say. He instatntly felt like this demand was too great to ever been asked...

'I won't ever let you go' promised Aziraphale gently pulling Crowley in warm embrace of his arms.

Crowley's eyelids started to get heavy and last thing he though was that angels doesn't really need sleep, but he really hoped that this one won't leave his side this night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for late update! Gotta write next chap soon! Cheers <3


	6. Say Hello Melancholia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IAMX - Say Hello Melancholia

It was the _fire_.

  
The fire that burned his wings all the way to the tips of his feathers when he fell.

  
A pain only fallen angel could understand. The darkness and complete loneliness... The foretaste of the death itself, being able to do nothing but suffer till it burned you out. It was the fire that burned down Crowley's past to ashes.

  
And now it was the fire that took away his best friend.

  
'Aziraphale!' He screamed in pain... Looking around burning bookshop in desperation for finding his angel. Aziraphale was gone... He knew it, he felt it, but didn't want to believe, not ever in a world where Aziraphale isn't there anymore.

  
'Someone killed my best friend!' He screamed feeling burning tears spilling off his eyes, as he fell on his knees.

  
'Crowley why you did this to me?' said all but familiar voice above him.

  
He lookd up paralised with shock. He still didn not feel the angel's presence. His amber eyes went wide open withnessing his worst fear becoming reality. The blood, the black feathers...

  
'Nononono... I'm so sorry Angel--' he tried to reach Aziraphale, but it was already too late.

Fire was everywhere.

  
'Aziraphale!'

  
***

  
'Crowley!'

  
Aziraphale's perfect blue eyes were wide of worry, his soft hand already caressing his short hair, when he woke up in his own bed.

  
'Aaah-- Aziraphale...' He said in a voice so much weaker than he indended. His heart ached so much he felt that if he won't burst into tears he may die, but he can't cry... he still felt the fire from the dream. He has to do everything to protect Aziraphale. _Everything._

  
He wanted to throw his arms around Aziraphle. To cry against his chest and tell him everything and listen to angel's sweet voice reassuring him he loves him and that it was all just the dream, only imagination...

  
_I'm used to enduring pain._ Thought Crowley fighting the hardest battle with himself ever since falling. _And that's why... That's why..._

  
'I'm leaving' He told looking Aziraphale straight in those ocean blue surprised eyes.

  
'I beg your pardon my dear, what do you mean...?' Aziraphale worry only grew, his voice shaking.

  
Crowley fought hard not to look away, it hurt badly, but he was no stranger to pain... And at the very least angel _deserved_ his respect.

  
'I'm leaving you, Aziraphale' Said Crowley feeling like each of these words was crooked glass in his mouth that he had to swallow.

  
But he couldn't cry, no matter how it hurt.

  
'Wh-- But why? What's going on my love?' Aziraphale would not make it easy, wouldn't he?

  
'I'm leaving you that's how it is!' he said, trying to keep himself calm.

  
He stood up from the bed, but got hold by his elbow.

  
He had to shrug it off. He had to grab some clothing get out and drive in his beloved Bentley as far as he can till he can't feel anything if such solace is even possible for him...

  
But he was so_ terrified._

  
He let the Angel drag him back on the bed. Let him hug him, kiss away tears that has poured from his shut eyes.

  
He cried so hard he was pretty sure he's about to discorporate from pain. _This is so bad._

  
'My darling...' Angel whispered to him tone of his soft voice breaking Crowley's heart.

  
_Save me, my angel..._

  
He wasn't aware he said these words outloud.

  
But it was enough for Aziraphale to understand everything.

  
'It was a dream, that scared you my love?' It was a statement more than a question really.

  
Aziraphale was gently caressing Crowley's neck, having his arms desperately wrapped around his back.

  
'You know... There's nothing to be afraid my love... I'll stay by your side no matter what. We're our own side, remember?'

  
Crowley only nodded, tears spilling from his eyes, not able to stop crying.

  
'Do you belive me, my dear?' asked Aziraphale, forcing Crowley to look him in the pale blue eyes.

  
How could he stay calm when whitnessing such beauty?

  
'I believe you' he said not caring anymore about his tears.

  
'Good' whispered angel. He looked at the window. It was still night. It wasn't that dark even despite moon being so thin this night, maybe because of the stars shining so bright...

  
Crowley looked behind the window as well.

  
It hurt him, to look at the stars he helped creating, once he was at his grace. He was able to create such beauty with ease.

  
'You know... I don't know why but staring at stars always had calming effect on me...' said a it absently Aziraphale, not turning away his gaze from outside the window.

  
'Like... I was feeling that you may be looking at them at same moment as I even tho we we're not toghter at the time... Yeah it's stupid, sorry my dear...'

  
'It's not stupid at all' said Crolwey calmed down 'Actually it makes me happy that you like them'

  
'The stars? Why would it make you happy?' asked Aziraphale, his brows furrowing slightly.

  
'Because I... had my part in creating them... when i was an a--angel--' his voice cracked with embarassement. 

  
'Wait-- What? How? I thought Michael...' Aziraphale looked confused at Crowley.

  
'Michael was more focused on the Moon actually...' stated Crowley trying to look nonchalant about all this confession.

  
'I--I had no idea...' Aziraphale was clearly in shock 'why didn't you tell me?'

  
'Why would I? It's just who I was and who I'm not anymore ever again... it does not matter...'

  
'It does matter!' says Aziraphale more sharp than he meant to, gaining demon's attention.

  
'I... I really want to understand you better... you can trust me with everything, my dear'

  
'I _do_ trust you, Aziraphale' said Crowley carefully 'but... I just want you to know me for who I am now'

  
'Wait... You must have been some high-rank angel, Archangel even to be handled with such task... You might had work along Lord Herself... So why doesn't I recall you at all?'

  
Crowley fell silent, feeling he just said _too_ much.

  
'Well...' he trailed off for a moment 'It is curse of the fallen not to be remembered by their... original name and form...' He sounded bitter so he added 'Not, that I mind... I am who I am, and only because of that we're here and the Earth keeps spinning around after Armagedidn't...'

  
'But... you remember your time in Heaven, don't you?' asked curiously Aziraphale.

  
'... yeah, why?'

  
'Did we met before? I mean... _up there?_

  
Crowley froze, not expecting ever to be asked about it. He could easily lie and have the subject changed... but he couldn't. He has to face the truth.

  
'Uhm... yes' he admitted carefully.

  
'Wha-- Really??' Aziraphale looked so surprised he couldn't contain it 'What didn't you tell me?'

  
'Well... the circumistances were not at odds I guess...' Crowley looked away even more ashamed.

  
'Did we were friends? Did... Wait, no... Is it why you came to meet me on the Eastern Gate of Eden at the frist place? Y--you told me you loved me since that day... but _could_ it be..?'

  
'Sssstop!' hissed suddenly Crowley, his face in pain.

  
'My dear... I--' Aziraphale tried to cup his face with his palm but got pushed away.

  
'Do you want to know it _all_ so badly?' Hissed Crowley, pain mixed with anger.

  
'Crowley...'

  
'Yes! I loved you! Long before Eden, long before... oh goodness you have no idea...' his voice was dripping pain.

  
'And... the worst part... The worst part is I was loved by you! I could literally_ feel_ it! I'll never have it back...' his voice cracked.

'My dear, you know _do_ I love you...'

  
'I know it, I _believe_ you...' Crowley looked up at Aziraphale scared to the bone of what he was about to admit.

  
'And this is also why it's all so wrong. Before I fell...' he looked down and took a deep breath to calm himself enough to continue no matter the consequences.

'Before I fell... I tried everything to force _you_ to join Lucifer's uprising... Yes, I wanted to bring _fucking_ fall upon you.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, gonna write next chapter soon! Cheers! <3


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